What do you do when your job in the social work field is so bad you are crippled with anxiety attacks and enraging disdain for the future generation and particular populations.

When the shrink recommends you get on temporary disability but your claim gets lost among all the others.

When all you want to do is drive off into the woods and fling yourself on the natural landscape letting your tears return to the earth.

Earning money has become the most evil part of my life. The social work field will be the end of me within several months if I continue. Every day, driving to work, during my meetings, sitting at my desk I fight off the panic, take pills to sedate me, romanticize the thought of walking out the door and not coming back. Getting into my car and leaving to hide in the mountains.

Having called in sick for the 6th time this month claiming ailments ranging from food poisoning to fever. Never disclosing the actual culprit of severe anxiety and panic attacks.  Figuring a physical manifestation of illness holds more weight than a mental and emotional illness.

How to start over in a field I don’t have any experience in. To hike, prospect for gold in the rivers, paint, draw, create jewelry, build, shoot.

I am determined to start over. Coffee perhaps.


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